Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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