I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
