so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
