I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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