D3 body, D1 cock
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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