i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
