I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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