I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
