I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
