i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
