hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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