do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
