Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
