I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
