well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
