I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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