he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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