some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
