I think my fart just growled at me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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