watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
