I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.