i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.