Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
