Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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