i think my mom watched the whole time
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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