Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
