im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
