Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
