So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
