My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
