The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
