im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
