As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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