Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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