wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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