The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize