South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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