i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
