The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
