note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
