im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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