so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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