we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pants are for mortals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
