clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill