Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
...so i touched it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
