You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
