one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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