You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
