I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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