Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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