My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
