coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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