The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
