bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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