i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
