If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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