I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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