Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
