also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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