im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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