Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
