You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
