Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
